Six Billion Secrets

You told me that you’d never hurt me, that you’d always take care of me, and that you loved me.
You said it a million times over.
Only took three words to change everything.
“I was lying.”

When I was eleven, I was so fed up with my life, I ran away from home.
After 3 hours of crying in the park, it got dark, an I started to walk back.
Nobody had even realized I was gone.

I picked up a pen to write a suicide note.
I stopped after the word “dear.”
I wasn’t sure who to address it to because I couldn’t think of anyone who would care enough to read it.

Today I wrote a blog about committing suicide & three of my friends read it, but none of them have tried to talk me out of it.
I hope that this secret gets posted so that they’ll realize that it’s about them.
Cause I don’t think I have the strength to keep myself alive much longer. Please help me.

My last boyfriend broke up with me because it was too much for him to bear that I was raped and molested by two different guys.
He was the first person I told the whole story too.
I think from now on I’m going to lie and say it never happened. I hate being reminded I’m nothing but damaged goods.

I’m the only one in my class who is still a virgin.
They all think I’m pure and waiting till I find someone special to share it with but the truth is I’m just like the rest of them.
My dad stole it when I was young…

I was born with a mirror-image twin. She died the day before our second birthday.
Now, I talk to my reflection in the mirror, acting like it’s her.

I’m secretly afraid that I’ll end up alone.
I’m scared to death that I’ll never find someone who’ll love me unconditionally.
I feel this will happen because I am simply not good enough for anyone.
I wish I could convince myself otherwise…

One of my best friends just doesn’t get it.
She says she loves someone and then hooks-up with someone else.
Usually I wouldn’t care, but I just wish that next time it wasn’t with the guy I’ve liked for 4 1/2 years.

When you told me you stopped smoking pot because of your girlfriend, I lied and told you I’d never change for anyone.
You have no idea how much I wish somebody cared enough to want me to stop the things that I do.

I hate how the only person who can make me smile is the one who made me cry.

When I was fourteen, I saw my dad shoot and kill my mother.
I hate Father’s Day. 

All I’ve ever wanted to do was make you happy. That’s it.
But sometimes you push me too hard, and I don’t tell you that.
Why? Because I feel like just breathing disappoints you and that nothing I do will ever make you happy.
I just want you to be proud of me for once.